Not Even Close
by Blipity Boo
Summary: Ruffnut is tired of everyone saying that Tuffnut is the most annoying twin, so she tries to beat him the only way she knows how. Getting extremely drunk! For what could beat a drunk Ruffnut! I had to redo this because of spelling. Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

Not Even Close!

_A/N: Right this is my first fanfic so please don't be mad if it's terrible. I just randomly came up with this while at the park with my brother. It's basically told from Ruffnut and Tuffnut's POV and probably Astrid later on. Reviews are appreciated so please R&R guys! Blipity Boo out!_

_Ruffnut's POV:_

It was three in the morning and thanks to my idiot brothers snoring I was still wide-awake. If he didn't shut up soon I swear I would stomp over to his room and smother him with my pillow. Luckily for him, just then my mother screamed from her room, "PUT A CORK IN IT TUFF!" after that the snoring stopped. I lay awake for a while thinking, Tuffnut was horribly annoying, the entire village knew it, after the last incident when Tuffnut had swapped all the fish in the village for eels, the dragons had gone mad burning down buildings trying to get rid of the taste, I desperately needed to top Tuffs brilliant prank so I would be back in my place as most annoying person in the village! Yet Tuff was so… well so… tuff! I needed to find a way for the village to know that I was much worse than butt-elf over there. An idea suddenly popped into my mind and a wicked smile began to play across my lips, I would top Tuffnut, I knew just how.

"Hey Astrid" I yelled, the sun shone high in the sky as I ran to the blonde who was just closing the door of her house. "Hey Ruff, what's up" replied Astrid giving me a lopsided grin. "Well I was just wondering if you wanted to come over to The Mead Barrel tonight, just you and me, girls night out", Astrid looked as if she was considering this, "okay" she said. I sighed with relief, "but…." She said. My heart sank "but what?" I asked, Astrid gave me a hard look, "but you have to promise me you won't get insanely drunk again." I let out my breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, "okay" I said. "No Ruff not okay" she frowned "I am serious Ruff don't let this turn out like…. Last time." she shuddered "don't worry" I answered "that guy from last time was just a sore loser, and he didn't even know how drunk we were till I threw up all over him." "Still" she said, "promise me Ruff that you won't get too drunk." You have my word" I lied, "good" muttered Astrid smiling. "I'll meet you there at about five." I couldn't believe my luck.

_Tuffnut's POV:_

I heard from Snotlout that my troll-faced sister was going out tonight with Astrid to The Mead Barrel. I sighed, I knew they wouldn't be back tonight, whenever ruff gets drunk she goes mental and then passes out at about 3:00am face first in her mead. Suddenly a though struck me, thinking I know right, so dangerous, what if Ruffnut was trying to top my fish prank from a week ago. It would be just like that little two-faced brat to try and steal my thunder. It was so obvious, everyone knew that a drunk Ruffnut was unstoppable and super wacko. Not even a drunk Tuffnut, which was something to watch, could beat her. Steaming with anger I marched to my sister's bedroom and banged hard on the door. "What" snapped Ruffnut as she yanked open the door. "Creep" I yelled and launched myself at her, Ruffnut screamed and tried to claw at my face, I yanked my sister up by her plaits and began dragging her across the landing, Ruffnut let out a shriek that shook the house and gave me a good kick in the shin. I let go of her yelping in pain as I did so she ran into her room banging the door shut behind her. I heard a lock slide into place. "You've got to come out of there sometime" I snarled "and when you do I'll be waiting."

_A/N_

_There done and it only took he an hour. Second chapter will come but soon probably this week or maybe next because I have a show coming up at school soon so I'll update whenever._

_Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD! *sob*_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**A/N: Ok so I didn't get any reviews, so sue me! (Not literally) but I got tons of views and a few favourites so ha take that haters! Anyhoo I've got jet lag at the moment so I thought I should do this. Oh yeah and my friend EmTheInvincible is helping me with the A/N's yey!**

**EmTheInvincible: (pops out of nowhere) yey!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon and i cry about it every night!**

**Oh yeah one more thing you know how I said before that I wrote that short chapter before and said it took me an hour? Yeah well I get distracted by stuff really easily so it's like "write a bit, get up check the fridge, write a bit, get up check the fridge (again) etc. etc.**

_Astrid's POV:_

I saw a dark figure drop from Ruffnut's window. I tensed shifting my axe in my hand getting ready to pounce.

The figure moved closer, her soft footstep came pattering towards me, I lowered to a crouch and suddenly jumped, tackling the shape to the ground.

"Oi" yelled the figure. _That's strange,_ I thought, _this strange intruder sounds just like… _I glanced down at my prisoner. "Astrid it's me Ruffnut!" She snapped angrily. "Ruff?" I gasped. "What the hell are you doing climbing out your window? Did you fall out or something?"

"No" She growled. "Tuff's guarding the door and pulled half my hair!"

""Ouch," I winced "you okay. "Yeah, come on lets go." Ruffnut dragged me toward the tavern, "Hey slow down" I snapped. Ruffnut waited a minute glancing over her shoulder. "Hurry," she muttered "he'll find out I'm gone any moment now."

When we finally got through those doors I sighed with relief. "You OK Ruff." I asked turning to her, but Ruffnut was nowhere to be seen. I searched everywhere and finally found her at the bar. She had been drawn to it like a magnet to metal. "Ruff remember your promise" I warned. "Yeah, yeah words." She muttered, her eye fixed on the mug the bar tender was filling for her.

No sooner had the bar tender put the mug on the table, before Ruffnut had whisked it away and downed it in one gulp. "More!" she demanded banging the cup down on the table. "That's enough." I said dragging her away and setting her down at a table. "Stay!" I ordered as if she were a dog.

I got back a few minutes later to find that Ruffnut had disappeared. A scream from the bar confirmed me of where she was. As I ran into the bar I saw Ruff lying spread eagled on the ground under a huge barrel of mead. The drink poured from a hole in the bottom of the barrel into Ruff's mouth.

I grabbed her and dragged her back to the table. Ruff hiccupped and gave me a dopy lopsided grin. "I left you for 5 minutes! How could you possibly get drunk in 5 minutes!" I growled. She shrugged and gave me another grin. Suddenly I had an idea. I got some rope out my pocket and began to wind it round Ruff tying her to her seat. "That should hold you." I muttered. Walking back to the bar to pay for all the mead she'd drunk.

10 minutes later, I came back to find Ruff gone. I was about to search for her when I heard someone above my head. I looked up and surprise, surprise guess who it was? Ruffnut had tied one end of the rope to herself and the other to a ceiling beam. "Ruff stop-" I began but it was pointless. Ruffnut leapt off the beam screaming like a banshee. Just before she hit the ground she went shooting back up into the air, but not before grabbing some poor unfortunates drink. "RUFFNUT GET DOWN NOW!" I screamed. "Oh come on Astwid," her voice slurred. " Don be da killer o fun!"

Just then Ruff untied her rope and advanced off the beam with a determined look. "RUFF NO!" I shrieked, but it was no good. Ruffnut leapt of the high beam a plummeted to the cold hard ground wailing bloody murder the whole time.

Time seemed to freeze as she fell and thoughts shoved into my terrified brain. _She's going to die, she's going to die! _Then a random after thought, _how did she even get up there?_

**A/N: Oooooo cliffy! Please R&R guys please *sob* please!**

**EmsTheInvincible: ha-ha fail!**

**Blipity Boo: shut up I liked it!**

**Ems: no I mean the no reviewers**

**Boo: I no (falls sobbing into Ems arms) I'm such a failure**

**Ems: there, there I'll review!**

**Boo: really (looks hopeful)**

**Ems: No! You need to get your own reviewers!**

**Boo: :(**

**More soon guys but please review or EmsTheInvincible will come and get you in your sleep mhwhahahaha!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**A/N: This update came so soon because I'm off school at the moment and I don't have anything to do except this. Now answering your reviews!**

**xv323: yeah I know that the whole POV thing can be annoying but since I've started in it I'm going to continue doing it but I won't in other stories.**

**HTTYD229 & SunnyGirl: Well here it is I've continued**

**THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING :D!**

**EmsTheInvincible: phhff they wouldn't have reviewed if it wasn't for my awesome help in the A/N's!**

**Blipity Boo: jealous… **

Tuffnut's POV:

I heard someone's footsteps thumping up the stairs. I was still outside Ruff's bedroom, I was planning on staying there the whole night, and I'd even brought my pillow and was going to use my body to barricade the door.

"Who is it?" I yelled down the stairs "Me!" came a rough voice. "Me? How am I meant to know who, me, is?" I answered crossly, even though I knew perfectly well whose voice it was.

Snotlout arrived puffing and panting on the landing in all his glory, he immediately flopped on his back and lay staring up at me. "you- your never go-gonna guess, who I saw at the tavern." Gasped Snotlout. "Dude did you run all the way up the hill to get here?" I asked Snotlout could only manage a nod then his head flopped back onto the floor.

"Well who'd ya see?" I asked impatiently.

"Your sister!" I paused thoughts racing through my mind. "But how'd she-"I began but stopped, turned to face Ruff's door, and gave it a huge kick. The door splintered and snapped off its hinges revealing… An empty bedroom.

"That was a bit much wasn't it?" commented Snotlout from his position on the floor. I ignored him and searched frantically round the room. "THE WINDOW!" I cried "THE LITTLE DEVIL CLIMBED OUT THE WINDOW!"

"Seriously you didn't see that coming?" questioned Snotlout. "Come on!" I growled, "We gotta catch up with her!"

I stepped on Snotlout and raced down the stairs, but was stopped when there was a loud crack and Snotlout came crashing through the ceiling. "WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!" I yelled. "I think it's pretty obvious that I fell though the landing floor." He replied struggling to sit up. "Mums going to kill me," I moaned, "how fat are you?"

"It's not fat, it's muscle!" he answered, admiring his "bicep."

Astrid POV:

I screamed as Ruffnut fell. But right at that moment two bar tenders were walking past with an enormous barrel of mead.

There was a splash and a scream from the bar tender then Ruffnut's head surfaced giving me another grin. Well I almost had a heart attack right there on the spot, I was just so relieved that I would have to watch Ruffnut's splattered remains get scraped of the floor that night.

Ruffnut however, seemed to look very pleased with herself. She did a little dance in the mead then hopped out and skipped merrily over to me. "Did ya ski meh Astwid?" slurred her voice. "I was bwillient!"

I just stared at her for a moment. "Come with me!" I growled grabbing her hand and dragging her away I reached our table and shoved her into the seat. "Move and you die!" I snapped. I turned around to pick up the rope on the floor, when I turned back Ruffnut was gone again.

"No surprise there." I muttered to myself.

I grabbed a drink off a Viking passing by. "Here Ruff, Ruff, Ruff, Ruff, Ruffy!" I called. "Come and get the mead." Slowly I put the mead on a table and backed away into the shadows. Soon Ruffnut appeared, she was walking on her hands and wearing some kind of man's shirt. _Where did she get that?_ I wondered, briefly thinking about some poor bloke wandering round shirtless

Ruffnut's hand reached toward the mead. I took aim. Ruffnut grasped the handle of the cup and was just about to drain it when suddenly I sprang into action running at Ruff waving a wooden plank above my head and screaming at the top of my lungs.

Ruff screamed and ran off. I ran after her.

Ruff reached a table and hopped onto it. Then she randomly started singing Berks national anthem.

_The Hairy Hooligan's Anthem__:_

_Up with your sword and strike at the gale,_

_Ride the rough seas for those waves are your home._

_Winters may freeze but our hearts do not fail,_

…_Hooligan…hearts…FOREVER!_

Everyone in the bar then started singing along with her, so that the song echoed through the bar. Quietly I crept up behind Ruffnut with a saucepan in my hand, ready to knock her out and drag her home.

Then suddenly I noticed what Ruffnut was holding and my blood turned to ice.

Ruffnut was dancing about on the table top waving about in her hand, might I add that the tavern was made of wood.

A lit torch.

**A/N:**

**EmsTheInvincible: well… that was interesting!**

**Blipity Boo: what?**

**EmsTheInvincible: well at the national anthem you went running off to get the book. Then flipped through all the pages trying to find it.**

**Blipity Boo: leave me alone you're just jealous because you don't have any fanfiction's up yet.**

**EmsTheInvincible: that's because my computer is a stupid chunk of metal**

**Blipity Boo: shhh you'll hurt its feelings**

**EmsTheInvincible: :| **

**Blipity Boo:….**

**EmsTheInvincible: sometimes I wonder why I'm even friends with you!**

**Yey 3****rd**** chapter finished I'm so bored I know I'll write more Fanfictions! Yey! Yeah so I'm writing another story at the moment so I will try to update this one as much as possible.**

**R&R or I shall not continue. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**A/N: Right this is a very short story because I just need to quickly update it because I might not be able to for a while! I will still be able to update my other story though! Ok here we go!**

(Tuffnut's POV)

Snotlout was being very annoying, he was simple refusing to move from the spot he had landed. At one point I got so mad at him that I went to the kitchen, got a jug of ice cold water and tipped it over him. Well that, of course, just made him crosser.

"It's all well and good that 'we have to go right now to stop Ruffnut upstaging me' but I have probably broken both my beautiful legs and you don't seem to care." Snotlout whined. "Snotlout for the billionth time your fine."I sighed. "Now, _come on!_"

Finally, _finally_, Snotlout stood up and walked over to the door even though he seemed very reluctant to do so.

"Let's go." I said.

When we got to the tavern there was complete chaos! Half the place was standing on tables singing the national anthem and the other half was dancing around the room with my sister, swinging the drunken girl round and round till she almost threw up. Ruffnut was laughing and waving a burning torch round her head. Astrid was running after the drunken men, who kept whisking her away for a dance, screaming and shouting at her to, "PUT THAT TORCH DOWN RIGHT NOW RUFF!"

Snotlout whistled. "You were right mate," he grinned "this is much better than staying at home!"

Then he ran off to join a table in another rousing song of: _We'll be coming round the mountain when she comes!_

"ASTRID WHATS HAPPENING?" I yelled at the hysterical blonde. "It's Ruffnut she's-." But Astrid was cut off when a burly, drunk Viking grabbed her and twirled her round and round sometimes throwing her in the air to have another Viking catch her. "PUT ME DOWN YOU JELLYBRAINED NITWITS!" She shrieked at the men.

Snotlout was still on the table, belting out the words like there was no tomorrow!

Ruffnut had escaped the men when they had snatched up Astrid. The drunken teenager was now proceeding to light the drapes and curtains on fire. "RUFF!" I screamed. She turned to me, a stupid grin plastered across her smug little face. "I bee ya." She slurred.

I watched in horror as the red and gold flames sprang to life and flickered and danced along the hem of the drape nearest to me.

"Oh great god Thor, no! Please oh please no!" I whispered staring at the flames in horror.

**A/N: done for today please R&R its all appreciated! I've got to go I'm sorry if this isn't updated in a while bye! Please review on my other Fanfic, The Return of Ze Great Camicazi. Again this was very, very short and I'm very sorry. **

**Bye!**


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